I contrast this with anger, which is often for me a secondary emotion.  I do not mean that it is any less important a feeling but that for me I almost ubiquitously experience hurt and/or fear to which my anger is a response, and a useful one in many respects.

First, it summons an energy, a motivation, a move to action to counteract the withdrawal of hurt and fearful paralysis. Secondly, it is a sign that something needs changing.  While many seem to believe that when I am disturbed it is only I that needs changing, I have a somewhat different understanding.

I agree that when I am disturbed, my first priority is to calm myself so as to maintain, regain and obtain clarity of thought rather than react willy-nilly out of pure emotion.

Once calm and clear, I can then decide what action will be the most appropriate and constructive towards achieving my aim.  And then I have to let go of the outcome as my ability to control other people, places and things is negligible to say the least.

But I can take what I believe to be appropriate action, minimize the likelihood of feeling victimized and traumatized and thereby feel more empowered in my life. What is YOUR experience?

Peace & blessings,

Samuel

The post Anger & Resentment appeared first on Health & Wellness in the Twenty-First Century.

During this holiday season, there is much occurring in the world not to my liking; from relatively minor inconveniences such as technology glitches to major concerns I harbor regarding the current political and social climate. While I acknowledge the validity of some of these concerns, I also recognize that much of my annoyance is due to a blow to my self centered ego wanting things to be the way I want them to be.

During these moments of awareness I find a greater measure of acceptance of what is, especially when it is NOT the way I would like it to be.  Page 449 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, “and acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.” It goes on to say that nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING (caps mine) happens…by accident and that the way to find serenity is in accepting that things are EXACTLY the way they are supposed to be at this moment.

I have a very challenging time accepting that everything which happens in the world is EXACTLY the way it is supposed to be at this moment. But I do wholeheartedly agree with the book’s premise that, “…unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy” and that, “I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as to what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”

I believe that there is great value in social justice activism and an absolute necessity for making efforts to change the world for the better.  The point is that I can lose myself in trying to change others to fit my preferences rather than adjust to reality.  And when I accept reality, I am empowered to respond more constructively and therefore effectively in my effort to create a more harmonious reality.

Wishing all of you a joyous, peaceful, and abundant holiday season.

Peace and blessings, Samuel

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Being there for a friend in need, fulfilling my responsibilities, and just being kind to others in this increasingly confrontative world where permission is given to be rude and selfish, are some of the ways in which I show up for “life on life’s terms.”

Recently, my mother, who lives 3000 miles away, slipped and broke her knee. My sisters, who live within a few hour’s drive, scrambled to assist her.  Thanks to having the flexibility of being able to work remotely by phone, Skype, and email), I flew in from the west coast to help. It has been a precious blessing to together arrange her environment to increase her mobility and enhance her empowerment, both in  our mutual sense of accomplishment as she negotiates the walker from one room to another and in the increased closeness in our relationship.

Similarly, I find it extremely rewarding to see my clients grow and develop in their path toward achieving their golas, dreams, and desires. I am personally gratified to know that I am participating in healing the world just a tiny little bit at a time.

I wish you all the best during this holiday season and believe in your ability to find ways to be of service – to yourselves and others.

Peace and blessings,
Samuel

The post Service appeared first on Health & Wellness in the Twenty-First Century.

I apologize for the long delay since my last blog entry. In addition to suffering from spotty internet connection for the last couple of months, I have been recuperating from an upper respiratory infection that knocked me for a loop.

In my last blog about gratitude, I was riding  a high of having an extraordinary visit to the Northeast, including meeting biological relatives I did not know existed until 8 months ago.

In contrast,  I have spent the last two months in a third world country living like a “rich American” but it was a third world country nonetheless.  However, despite the advantages of having the financial resources of a “rich” American, it was a very challenging time coping with reality.

And I fell far short from the way I would have liked to respond to the situations which I encountered there. I became rather self willed, obstinate, and less pleasant to be around than I care to admit.

While there were also pleasant experiences, living right on the Caribbean with the amenities of a lovely condo, when there were no power outages. Ninety degree temperatures which feel like 113 considering the humidity are not pleasant without the luxury of air conditioning. And without Internet access, I felt isolated from my support system, as well as my work.

I did connect with some fellows whom I have known for the last fifteen years I have been vacationing there.  I did have the opportunity to work my Program and to be of service, to practice patience, tolerance, restraint of pen and tongue (when I had the where with all and mindfulness to practice that tool) .

Nevertheless, in contrast to my previous visits there, I was eager to return to the US at least two weeks before my return flight. And I carry back with me the consciousness that there are many people who have the courage and fortitude to live under the conditions that the majority of the world do.

Imprinted on my memory are the sights of young and old men with distended stomachs, one arm or one leg, hobbling up to the traffic to offer a soapy spritz  to wash off my windshield in exchange for a small coin or two. This is a painful sight which occurs multiple times a day and reminds me of the difficult conditions that afflict the majority of the world’s population.

I, with all the advantages I have enjoyed in my life, had trouble coping with occasional air conditioning failure and lack of an Internet connection. And so I am again reminded that I am and have been EXTREMELY fortunate to live under the circumstances under which I live.

I remain grateful and eager to be of assistance to those who have a goal, dream, or desire which they have not yet fulfilled.  Until then, I wish you much love and many blessings,

Samuel

The post Perspective appeared first on Health & Wellness in the Twenty-First Century.

My goal is assisting the men of today to become the happiest, most personally successful men they can be. The last blog introduced the subject of the superhighway and the added stress it brings. One of its profound effects is the intense focus on persona, the external ways one presents oneself to the world. Along with it we judge ourselves by a sense of what others believe is in style, good, attractive, right, fair, or just.

Human beings live in a social context, want to treat others decently, and get along with one another.  However, how we do this can vary widely among cultures, communities, and individuals.  One way in which I have seen many men in effect lose their way is because there is such  intense societal pressure to “be a man,” that a significant proportion of men focus almost exclusively on others’ definition of what it means to be a man in today’s world.

Many men lose their sense of self is identifying themselves by their work, earnings, portfolio, and possessions.  In particular, over-identification with one’s career to the point that men pour the vast majority of their time, effort, and resources in climbing the corporate ladder often contributes to a personal and profound sense of emptiness. For the man who sees himself solely as the job he performs, this self measurement can result in a crisis if he falls short of his expectations. Money alone should not be the measure of a man’s worth.  Moreover, there is an old saying that “you can’t take it with you when you go.”

At this crossroad, many men find that they have fresh challenges about what kind of life they will live after work. Some of the questions a man may ask himself include: Who am I, aside from being a _____________? Now that I am not actively earning money, how do I see myself?  What are my strengths and weaknesses? What are my values, interests, goals? How do I spend my days in retirement?  And finally, how can I feel good about myself when for my entire adult life, my self-esteem has come overwhelmingly from the work world?

These men have, so to speak, have put all their eggs into their work basket and now that that basket no longer exists, it is incumbent upon each individual to redefine for himself what kind of man he wants to be.

That is why one of the goals of my work coaching the contemporary man is to help him explore and answer these questions for himself.  It is exciting, challenging, and highly rewarding for me to see men make a breakthrough and shed their old skin of who they thought they were, and discover their true essence of who they really are!

My raison d’etre is to be of service to others, particularly other men. I can be reached from anywhere at samueljroland@gmail.com.  I look forward to accompanying you on your personal journey of self-discovery. Until next time… be well.  I wish you much peace and many blessings,

Samuel

The post Identity appeared first on Health & Wellness in the Twenty-First Century.

I have been away on an unexpected extended trip and during this period which was not without its moments of stress, uncertainly, fear, doubt, and resentment, I have made a crucial self-discovery instrumental in my personal growth and development which I want to share with you.

I traveled to the east coast in June to help my mother recover from surgical complications and is now thriving and well.  I visited a dear high school friend and his wife in Boston as a companion to their sixteen year old son who was recovering from surgery while they were on a business trip. I was in Lake George to help some old friends who own a small resort split and haul firewood and I visited my sister in Philadelphia to help her deal with the challenges of being a single parent of thirteen year old twins.

However, what was most significant and amazing  as an adopted person who never knew anyone biologically related, except for my two sons, was the experience of meeting a biological first cousin, once removed, who lives in a small hamlet in the Eastern provinces of Canada, two hours east of Montreal. I also had the good fortune of spending time with my birth mother’s best friend during the last twenty years of her life in New York City and was regaled with numerous anecdotes as well as gifted with many or her remaining possessions

How incredibly nourishing to be greeted so warmly and generously welcomed by people so connected to me! How fabulous to be connected with my birth mother and her family, with their own incredible miraculous stories of escaping the holocaust. The experience of being connected to my biological family was overwhelming and has profoundly affected my sense of who I am and from where I came.

I am filled with immense gratitude and amazement at the numerous events which conspired to result in my being able to experience this family reunion, talk to someone who intimately knew my birth mother, and even to be alive at all.

May all things good come to you.  Just keep following your truth and take good care. Until next time, I wish you much peace and many blessings and bid you, “adieu!”

Samuel

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