This is a subject or should I say two subjects about which there seem to be some confusion. I distinguish anger, including in all its milder forms of irritation, frustration, impatience, etc. from resentment. I understand resentment as a longstanding deep-seated feeling associated with feeling victimized and nursing a resentment is re-victimizing myself and re-traumatizing myself over and over again and serves NO useful purpose.

I contrast this with anger, which is often for me a secondary emotion.  I do not mean that it is any less important a feeling but that for me I almost ubiquitously experience hurt and/or fear to which my anger is a response, and a useful one in many respects.

First, it summons an energy, a motivation, a move to action to counteract the withdrawal of hurt and fearful paralysis. Secondly, it is a sign that something needs changing.  While many seem to believe that when I am disturbed it is only I that needs changing, I have a somewhat different understanding.

I agree that when I am disturbed, my first priority is to calm myself so as to maintain, regain and obtain clarity of thought rather than react willy-nilly out of pure emotion.

Once calm and clear, I can then decide what action will be the most appropriate and constructive towards achieving my aim.  And then I have to let go of the outcome as my ability to control other people, places and things is negligible to say the least.

But I can take what I believe to be appropriate action, minimize the likelihood of feeling victimized and traumatized and thereby feel more empowered in my life. What is YOUR experience?

 

Peace & blessings,

Samuel